Writers Block

The term writers block has always been foreign to me. Since before I knew I had a passion for writing I was writing without a cause, than I decided that I had a hidden talent in writing and all of a sudden the words would now flow. It sounds a little ironic since writers block has become the topic of my newest blog piece but It was the only way I knew how to trigure some artistic flow. I wanted to be able to write for a few minutes without pausing and writing about not being able to write lately was my ticket.

Everyone around me seems to be picking up the last puzzle pieces of life and neatly putting them into place. It has definately awaken the green monster of jealousy within myself. I am so busy trying to figure out which of these pieces belong to me and in which order to I place them in. Deep down inside I know there are no correct answers to my millions of questions revolving around my life. I do not want to become an individual who doesn't recognize her own refelction because I was too busy rushing through life instead of living it. I want to feel every moment and remember every step I took to get where I am in the present moment.

Wishful Thinking

The past week has turned my life into a construction zone. Monday morning started off like a regular routine of robotic like activities. I drove off to work as scheduled to arrive by 8:30 AM, with no warning throughout the day of the unexcepted outcome to my Monday. I could feel in my bones that something was not right but assumptions never end well. Performing to my usual standard I carried on as though it were any regular day. Little did I know 2:00 PM would roll around bringing with it an unusual surprise, not ending in my favor. A lovely women who covered for me in the past so I may take a few days for vacation, phoned the office to speak with me. She began to tell me how the company I am working for asked for her assistance in covering the reception (my posistion) for the next two weeks. I was in complete shock and terror, for one I was never notified of my possible termination and 2 if I was being terminated there was little time for me to find a new job fast enough to handle all my payments for the next little while. 4:00 PM and the HR manager used her hand signals to direct me into the meeting room across from my desk. I had two hours to prepare for what she was about to say. She proceeded to read a letter she had typed up just hours before our "meeting".  While she was reading my letter of termination I had one person in mind who had purposely sabotoged my short career. It sounds a little dramatic and like I am trying to find an excuse for why I was let go but the reality of it is sometimes you meet people with horrible intentions. My list of responsibilities and duties as a receptionist was not those of a rocket science, So I was not terminated based on my poor performance. Unfortunately for whatever reason I was not suited to work in that particular office enviroment. Anyone close to me knew that I was unhappy with my job, that's all it was for me. Another job. I believe in some way my subconcious thoughts always submitted my deepest desires, thats how the universe works. Ultimately you have to be careful what you wish for. I'm not upset for feeling the way I did about my job because the same way I let the negative feelings go I know I will welcome the positive desires in. Now I must work towards a better living for myself first and foremost. With patience, hard work and determination good things will inevitabley conquer.

H.R.M<3

The game of LIFE

There are many ways to cope with the un-fair cards dealt to us in the game of life. There are many people we can blame for the empty void left in our souls. I have spoken before of the importance of being fulfilled and completely satisfied in our own lives. A lot of this fulfillment comes from a place where we spend most of our days and even more of our life. AT WORK. Even the word work doesn't jump off the page and excite you right to your bones. It is already asccociated in your mind as something boring and something that has to be done. Maybe I did not get the same memo as everyone else, but I think it is WRONG that we should settle on our role of employment simply because that is what we are told to do. I've seen mobs of people walking in the downtown core of Toronto, mostly dressed in black, driving black cars or holding up black umbrella's, and a million thoughts run through my head. I feel like they were all given the same set of rules and standards in life to follow in order to reach success. In those short moments of passing through the stampead of follow the leader, I realize my very own disctintions that seperate me from the rest of the herd. Not only the physical attributes like my red hair that is sometimes long or short depending on my mood. Or my bright green car that you could spot from a mile away. My internal voice of wisdom and of reason shout beyond the largest of moutains and reach to the heavens. I am stuck in a box of routines and schedules and routes leading to the "right" roads. In my opinion it is up to you and up to me to get ourselves out of this small box and create opportunities that may or may not find you. Don't play hide and seek with your own life. Seize and strive for the things, even the smallest of things that will make you smile at the very least.

I am attaching a link to this opinionated piece that gives you '7 reasons to quit your current job':  Enjoy!
http://www.officejobs.com/page/Blog/2008/05/the-top-7-reasons-to-quit-your-soul-sucking-job/

Power of Words...

I am a firm believer in the saying "Life is what you make it." Within all of it's simplicity there is a deeper message. What do you do to get to where you want to everyday? I don't mean how you commute from point A to B, be it by car or bus. But what steps do you take everyday in order to mold the person you want to be?! It seems like we (and when I say we I just mean in our general society) are always complaining of the lack of time there is to get anything we want done. We seem to fall into the stream of workoholics and angry adults, it takes us under like a tsunami. Without warning we become robots and seemingly lifeless. There is no trace of how we converted from happy and goal oriented to sad and pressured to meet the high standards of living. But some how it happened. Everyday I am a product of this happy person full of life, turned reserved adult who sits quietly waiting to be awaken by the 5 PM hour. My JOB is unfulfilling and monsterously starving my soul of true content. But complaining about my unhappiness will not make it any better. Being angry at my bitchy co-workers is not an excuse to shut down. So going back to the profound saying that Life is what you make it, what do I do to better myself right now as oppose to trying to take control of fate and what lies ahead?


1. I start a blog to develop my writing habits
2. I take a writing course to sharpen my skills and talents
3. I get my passport so I can travel the world
4. I buy a car so I can get where I want when I want
5. I have to love myslef and those around me, as much as humanly possible


I don't know exactly what life has in store for me but every moment and every opportunity is life teaching me a lesson, giving me a test or helping to push me in the right direction. We'll see what happens next.


-H.R <3

Now & Then

From now and than a lot has changed. Then was happier, now seems strange.

Just like the songs go, you were the air in my lungs, the blood in my veins.

Today I'm lucky if I can remain sane, you've become a riddle thats always working my brain.

Day after day you put me to the test. Trying to figure out if I'm anything like the rest.

Keep my lenses in focus, I picture us together growing older.

I'm holding on to who you use to be, it weighs me down like a boulder.

Maybe if i stop the chasing you will come back and like a gentle butterfly land on my shoulder.

H.R <3

To My Mom

Ever since I can remember I have felt like I didn't "fit" well with the members of my family. I mean yes I did resemble them and shared their name, but there was something bigger that didn't feel right. I remember having these 'off ' days where I was just so confused about myself. You would think it was normal and I was  growing up and changing. But why was I was one of the kids who loved sleeping out more than staying home? It was weird that my friends' houses felt like an escape and there I felt adequate. Now this might sound like a lot of gibberish to most people, I don't blame you, it's still a mystery to me why I was looking for more or what it was I was even looking for. There was only one person that pulled me in and let be be vulnerable, and still loved me with no strings attached. My mommy. This might be a little personal for a blog, but It might make a great movie one day. I was the product of a single-parent family. And to society this was "abnormal", but to me it was the most amazing gift. I was the product of a woman who loved me with every fiber in her body right to her soul. The excuse to rebel because of lack of love was never an option in my life. Don't get me wrong I was not the poster child for perfection but I tried. I learned all I could from her, than as I grew older I tried to be a teacher for her. Someone who was capable to love that much deserved 100 times the love in return. I saw the obstacles she faced and the thorns of love that tried to hurt her. But she never gave in! I never knew a weak muscle in that womans body, mind or soul. Lucky for me she was always my rock, and I think I have been hers. I just wanted to say I love you mom, and I will write a great story and dedicate to you and the woman you are and the woman you shaped me to be. Love Heather